So since I've been focusing on plays I've been seeing (and how I'm in the middle of a trying to figure out a pitch for a play I want to write) I figured it would be nice to do a little life update of sorts.
All is well.
Classes are going fine. I do have some concerns with some things however I won't discuss them on the internet (if you really want to know then message me, but don't be surprised if I'm cryptic). I am having fun getting to know my cohort though. We seem to hang out quite a lot after class is out for the day. Usually this consists of getting a drink at the SU Bar (yes, there is a bar in the building) or venturing to Ye Olde Swiss Cottage Pub where some of us add fish and chips to the drink order.
I love being back at school. Especially surrounded with other creative people, it just makes my heart sing. Being in this program makes me want to be better at all that I do, which is a good goal to keep in mind. Though I have a feeling I am trying to hard at times to be funny, or clever, or...something. Like I end up just looking like a fool. I really need to stop and just try and be me. Not the person that I think people will like, just me. Which I do that when I'm one on one with some people. I really can't put my finger on it, maybe I'm just nervous about it all and my social anxiety is flaring up.
I have come to some sort of cross roads it feels like. I am doing what I want to be doing and I am in the place I want to be, but it feels strange somehow, common maybe. Perhaps it's the homesickness taking its toll, but I'm not sure if want to stay after my course (which I had had hopes of before leaving). Maybe I want to go back to the states and write there. Really I can write anywhere in the world, that's the wonderful thing about it. It's probably just the homesickness. I mean if I can find a job after completing the course, I'll probably jump on it, regardless of where it is.
I miss my family. I miss my dogs and my cats and my bedroom. I never thought that seeing my room on a FaceTime message with my sister would make me so sad. I painted those walls. I decorated and arranged and rearranged that room since I was 10. And now it's not really mine anymore. Well I can always call it mine and always go back to it for a visit. But I don't think I'll live in it anymore. I hope not at least. The streets are starting to be decorated for Christmas and the stores have out their various bits and bobs, and I find myself going towards the Christmas lights (which I would like to put up in my flat) but then start tearing up when I get to the extension cords and the timers. It's the first Christmas where I can't help my dad put up the lights, the first one where I can't stand in the snow/freezing cold in my slippers when he asks what we think. I can't help my sister hang the stockings and the massive amounts of fake garland around the house or pick out the perfect tree then try and tie it to the roof of her car. My mom has said for years that we're not going to put up decorations or really "do" Christmas, but my sister and I always talk her out of it. Heather loves Christmas. Everything about it. I know my mom likes it too, she just has to be the staunch liberal that she is and say that it's far too commercialized and that people don't know what it's about anymore. Mom, have Christmas. I can't be there for it and it breaks my heart. Help Heather decorate, hang the decorations and the stockings without me and take pictures of the house when it's done.
I'm sorry if any of this post didn't make sense, I started crying about halfway through and it was difficult to see let alone type.
I'll be fine. I'll keep crying though throughout the season I expect. It's okay to be homesick. I'm homesick in the one city I've been trying to get to since I was 12. But it still hurts.
Saw Mojo at the Harold Pinter theatre last night. I will report on that soon as well. Until then, cheerio!
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